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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

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April 15. Last night we ran through our acoustic set for the first time – and it was sensational. So sensational in fact that we might record it and release it as a Rebellion special. Stand-out tracks were 'Buy Me A Drink You Bastard' and the new Bo Diddley-style arrangement of 'Yeti'... more details and possibly pictures to follow... The Gonads: sometimes unplugged, never undrugged.

 

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Here's Wattsie Watts: putting the "ooo" in acoustic

 

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Phil Badoe: that ain't a harmonica, he's just sucked the chocolate off the barmaid's Crunchie.

 

April 13. Gal recorded his latest podcast yesterday – a street poetry special with studio guests Tim Wells and Emily Harrison, and via Skype contributions from JB Barrington and Elise Hadgraft. We'll let you know when it's up, missus. In the meantime, Tim Wells has penned a fine tribute to Cockney comedy legend Jimmy Fagg over on his stand up and spit blog. Jimmy was a regular at the Imperial Crown in Bromley-by-Bow, an Oi pub famed for having the great Terry Adams as DJ.

 

This week we will be running through our acoustic set for the very first time. We're all up for it, but only Phil Badoe has gone out and bought a clavichord, two lutes and an alpine zither. Check back for news on how it went...

 

The Coast Town Ska & Mod Extravaganza will be held at Blackpool Winter Gardens on 19th September, with The Selecter headlining plus Ska Face, Mod band Heavy Sol from Leicester, Scotland¹s Big Fat Panda and Jeramiah Ferrari from Manchester. There are 500 Early Bird tickets available at just £15 a pop – pick 'em up from here: www.skaface.info/earlybird The gig will also be raising money for the Alzheimer's Society. For who? asks Fat Col. We've forgotten, we say. Shameless as ever...

 

BOOK NEWS! Flexipop – the book is out any day now - see here. The early eighties pop magazine edited by Barry Cain and Tim Lott famously smuggled the lairiest of OiOi herberts into its sparkling teenybop pages. We'll never forget the Cockney Rejects dressed as 18th Century dandies, or Lee Wilson and Mensi done up Sound Of Music styleee. The hills were alive with the sound of something that day... and it sure as hell weren't music. (Round-dodging? – Ed)... Meanwhile out now: Ben Nadler Punk In NYC's Lower East Side 1981-1991 mini-book chock-full of bands like the Bad Brains, Agnostic Front, the Cro-Mags, False Prophets, Urgent Fury, No Thanks and Reagan Youth (Microcosm Publishing)... also just published Kevin Prested's Punk USA: The Rise And Fall Of Lookout! Records - the label that launched California's East Bay punk sound, with bands such as Operation Ivy, Crimpshine, The Mr. T Experience and more. (Microcosm)

 

April 8. Our 35th Anniversary Oi! e.p. has raised 40% of its target in the first four days! Thank you! To join the bandwagon and sign up for juicy exclusives hop over to here.

 

April 7. Much controversy at the Pranksters' great Easter weekender. It started well on Friday afternoon, with Waistrel's colourful entry in a 1922 Bentley 3 Litre swathed in lap-dancers. The great man was greeted by a brass band playing The Lark Ascending, which segued seamlessly into a choral rendition of Thomas Tallis's Spem In Alium followed by Max Romeo's Wet Dream. Sadly the supreme serenity of the moment was shattered by a loud demo organised by Fat Col on behalf of his so-called Punks For UKIP project. The thirty-strong yob chorus was swelled by the pro-Clarkson Motorists Liberation Front (a spin-off from the old Anti-Swampy League). An ashen-faced Effete El tells us "For a while it looked like the weekend was doomed, most of the protestors weren't even Pranksters. Mercifully our security officer General Sir Teddy "Tiger" Arsch (Army Catering Corps retired) saw them off with a platoon of Waistrel's Ruckers". (Politics and religion are banned from Prankster events and lodges, of course "now and forever"). El continues: "Waistrel's majestic eminence quickly restored calm and for the next 24hours merriment and euphoria reigned. There were scooter runs, display teams, the tug-of-war, extreme variety, a comedy hut... all the normal Prankster activity. The retro gaming tent, devoted to Ludo, dominoes, three card brag and cribbage, was particularly well received". But then? "Chaos! The PM fucked orf to the New Cross Inn having neglected to organise Saturday night's festive board. The happy ranks of brethren began to turn extremely nasty – and believe me the sight of a hundred hungry Pranksters would cause battle-hardened Ghurkhas to evacuate their bowels. But as luck would have it, Old Eric and Barry of the East Sussex Pranksters rose to the occasion, reaching into their multi-pocketed army surplus great coats and producing three rabbits, a swan, and a dozen brace of pheasants – the fruits of an afternoon's poaching. Throw in Scrumpy's home-made cider and that was one very festive board I can tell you!" Waistrel then addressed the joyous band of brothers, reminding them that as English patriots we must continue to resist the "dread encroachment" of Europe, the Nanny State and so-called "sensible drinking" and fight back "at a cultural level" by preserving cherished traditions and standards. "In us and through us, England Lives!" he concluded. "Well the place was in uproar," El tells us. "The brethren were on their feet cheering and a-clapping and a-stomping of their ceremonial cherry red DMs." How did you follow that, we ask? "We brought on the Pissing Sisters... " Very cultural. P.S. The weekend ended with the ceremonial burning of the EU flag and everyone went home happy, except for one disgruntled brother who tells us "Our caravan was so damp if you had the lower bunk you had to wear shark repellent. Typical PM!" Indeed.

 

R.I.P. Heidi Kochwurst, original bassist with Donkey Laugh, who has passed away following a tragic bassoon-related accident. She was 37. More details may follow.

 

April 6. Richie Rocker of The Crows contacts us on the subject of The Badoes being "the Bay City Rollers of Oi!" He tells us: "I can't quite see Terence Hayes (PM) as a Les McKeown figure – a McKeowns export figure yes. But Cherry in half mast white jeans and striped socks is something that needs to be seen! I propose he dresses like that for the duration of the two-dayer in France in December, a charity could benefit big time from this." Richie goes on to ask "What would Badoe tartan look like?" We're not sure, but if the band leave it to Tel to organise we might find out by 2027.

 

April 5. Official! The Top Five best rated tracks on Facebook's Idiot-Proof Oi page this year so far are 1) The Business – Do They Owe Us A Living 2) The Gonads – Punk Rock Till I Die 3) The Business – Harry May 4) Cock Sparrer – Out On An Island 5) The Cockney Rejects – East End. The best rated tracks EVER on this page, according to the administrators, are 1) Cock Sparrer – Take 'Em All 2) The Gonads – The Greatest Cockney Christmas 3) Blitz – Razors In The Night 4) The Business – Suburban Rebels 5) The Gonads – Ian Tomlinson 6) The Cockney Rejects - Police Car 7) Infa Riot – Each Dawn I Die... all of which were heard by at least five times more than the average take up. However the most consistently popular band over time are Cock Sparrer. (We'll tell you the least popular one for a pie and a pint.)

 

The East End Badoes were "brilliant" at last night's big New Cross Inn Oi gig, we're told. They even managed to keep a line-up together long enough to perform an entire set... Impartial witness T. Hayes (no relation) reports that the new band surpasses any previous version and that "Badoes fever" is currently sweeping the nursing homes and pop-in parlours of south London. El Tel and the boys support the Cockney Rejects at the 100 Club (17th) and Vicious Rumours at the Red Lion, Northfleet (29th) before heading on to Sweden and international acclaim. "They're the Bay City Rollers of Oi, pulling in the young," sniffs Fat Col. "Why some of the women they attract are only in their forties."

 

April 4. More info on the 35th anniversary of Oi e.p. The fundraising drive includes a chance for you to pledge for a signed CD, your name in the liner notes, signed drumsticks, handwritten lyric sheets and even a chance to be mentioned in the lyrics of one of the songs. All the details are here.

 

April 3. Ahead of another riotous Jolly Pranksters' weekender, here are seven hitherto unknown "facts" about the secretive brotherhood: 1) Their motto Corripe Cervissiam is Latin for "Seize the beer!"; 2) Unlike the made-up spiritual mumbo-jumbo of scientology, invented by L. Ron Hubbard, the Pranksters' deep spiritual truths came "mystically" to L. Ron 'Chopper' Harris after an all-night session. 3) Gods worshipped by the brethren include Loki, Mars, Bacchus, and Angelique Houston, late of the Generation Game. 4) The popular festive board chant 'Vedi, Futui, Veni' is far ruder than it sounds. 5) Sacred sites in Prankster mythology include the Bridge House, Canning Town, Awkwright's Bar, Rainham, and a house of ill-repute in Upper Dicker. 6) Smoking at Prankster events is not so much tolerated as mandatory "in conscious defiance of the EU Nanny State" 7) There are only two ways to leave the Jolly Pranksters – death, or by giving a month's notice in writing. A bit like a gym.

 

Record news: the sixth album from Teenage Bottlerocket, Tales From Wyoming, is now out on coloured vinyl from Rise Records... Evil Conduct’s latest offering Live At Wild At Heart has just escaped from Randale Records... also out – vinyl re-issues of Agnostic Front’s The American Dream Died LP (Nuclear Blast)... the new album from The Real McKenzies, Rats In The Burlap, released by Fat Wreck Chords (vinyl version includes digital download)... and from Randale a mini-CD featuring tracks from Control, Angry Agenda, Mouthguard and Oslo’s own Riots.

 

STOP PRESS. Here it is! Help us celebrate the 35th anniversary of Oi by backing this pledge music campaign. There are a whole load of ways you can be part of this... including singing on the chorus.

 

April 1st. Wattsie Watts is officially engaged to Jeff Turner... Stief has been signed up for the first ever manned Mars space passenger voyage (one way only, sadly)... and Lord Waistrel this morning announced the formation of the first ever female fighting unit of Tucker's Ruckers called Tucker's Ruckettes. A clearly emotional peer describes the Ruckettes as "dangerous yet beautiful creatures trained to lure sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of our island... or was that the sirens? Jivell! Top up, woman! Lively... " All big news we're sure you'll agree, and undermined only slightly by today's date.

 

Real news: Slaughter & The Dogs will play one 40th anniversary show this year if fans cough up a modest £17,000 (you read that right). Moz Murray tells the world: "I have managed to get all four original members of Manchester Punk Legends Slaughter & the Dogs to agree to stage a one off concert in Manchester around Autumn time to celebrate 40 years since they first formed in 1975. Wayne Barrett, Mick Rossi, Howard Bates and Brian Grantham all be back on stage together for the first time in over 35 years playing the classic album Do It Dog Style. Well it's as simple as this, I need to secure the promise of funds of £17,000 from you the fans as a minimum to get the show up and running. This can be done by purchasing a ticket for the gig or buying a CD or DVD of the gig which will be posted out afterwards. There will also be several other VIP packages listed. With Mick living in LA and Wayne in France studio time will have to be booked in advance to give the band time to rehearse with flights hotels etc. I'm working on a basic budget to ensure this project is viable for all concerned. This will be a gig for the real Slaughter and the Dogs fans put on and arranged by the very same fans. My promise to you is that once the minimum budget figure is reached then a suitable venue in Manchester will be booked, flights and hotels booked, studio time booked and the date will be set in stone. We the fans of Slaughter & the Dogs can make this happen, it's all in our hands, cheers Moz." Sounds good, but we'll top it – for a mere £30K we can get the Orgasm Guerrillas and the Postmen to play in your back garden! Slaughter fans can check it out over at kickstarter.

 

 

 

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