Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
June 30. Here are a few more old gig posters. Enjoy!
June 29. Diana Schuler toys with us cruelly. The Angela Merkel of German Oi has been blanking our pleas for an official release date for the London Bawling acoustic-party album for some weeks now. But suddenly today she is on the dog demanding the full lyrics “Sofort, Brexit Schweinehunde!”… which suggests production must now be going full steam ahead. So will London Bawling be out before All The Loonstompers? Will copies even be available in time for Rebellion? And why is Waistrel in the Black Forest discussing plans for a “Christmas live album” that none of us know about even as we speak? These are the burning questions. Next week, more burning questions.
Sadly we are unable to bring you any details of the Pranksters’ great Brexit celebrations as our undercover correspondent succumbed to the lures of buxom Gwen, a passing farm wrench/barmaid. However, according to equally unreliable sources, the Saturday night entertainment featured “proper punk and Ska bands – a blessed relief after the recent so-called ‘Music Hall/variety’ fiasco” – while Sunday saw the “ringing in” of a new “deacon convener”, Glasgow’s own Jimmy “Jim” MacJimmy-Jameson. We’re told that in his closing speech an emotional WM, Brian “Snake Hips” Sykes heaped praise on the “underground forces of England” who had contributed much to liberty’s perhaps unexpected victory. These apparently include the Pearly Kings of London, the Society of Retired Chimney Sweeps, the MPL (Midget Protection League, GB), the WLTBU Veterans (Watermen, Lightermen, Tugmen and Bargemen’s Union), the Preston Poltroons, the Cockney Preservation Society, the Upper Dicker Innuendo Club, the League of UK Lapdancers and around 97 other affiliated organisations including the Over-80s Nude Hang-Gliding Club of Brighton & Hove. No mention was made however of the Blackheath-based Wizards, Witches, Warlocks, Alchemists & Necromancers Council (WWWANC). Why so? “We don’t want to be associated with cranks,” came the whispered reply.
Why did Terence Hayes, PM, make a long visit to Nads HQ tonight? Why were gallons of red wine quaffed and detailed plans drawn up? We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you…
June 28. Well this is a turn up for the books and no mistake. Seems Lord Waistrel has signed us up to a music industry network called www.nmblive.com and yesterday he had Scrotum (his Lordship's wrinkled retainer), post some of our YouTube links on there. Within hours we received notifications that hard rock legends Nazareth loved 'Hey You', prog rock stalwarts Wishbone Ash rated 'Buy Me A Drink You Bastards' and – most surprising of all – the influential folk guitarist Gordon Giltrap gave a big thumbs up to 'Oi Nutter'. When Phil Mogg for UFO delivers his verdict on 'Anal Intruder' our joy will be unconfined.
NMB also stream live gigs on the web. We would talk to them about hosting a global Gonads show but Gal is apparently off "auditioning dancers" for his GBX side project and cannot be contacted. So in the meantime, just to pass the time, here's a rather fine gig poster from about eight years ago which Fit Bird just found in the Nads HQ loft.
June 27. As well as our two schitz-oi-phrenic Gonads sets, we are pleased to announced that the following Garry Bushell eXperience packages are now available for bookings: a) An all-music set, b) An all-comedy set, c) The mighty mash-up: a combination of a & b, d) GBX Deluxe: Gal + band + dancers + DJ set, e) GBXtreme – a full extreme variety bill. All enquiries to Sarah c/o firstname.lastname@example.org
June 25. Wattsie Watts claims that this, below, is a rare picture of her pin-up Fat Col as a boy. We couldn't possibly comment.
OUT now from Hellcat: The Interrupters' second album Say It Out Loud produced by Tim Armstrong. Vinyl LP includes download card... meanwhile the Lurkers GLM album The Future's Calling has just been unleashed by Unlatched Records, Randale have released the Ejected's new Back From The Dead album and lovers of "blastbeat-driven death metal violence" (Sid & Doris Timid of Eastbourne) will be delighted to hear that Whitechapel's Mark Of The Blade LP has arrived courtesy of Metal Blade.
June 24. Jolly Pranksters Alert. The Pranksters have declared tomorrow and Sunday "a weekend of glory" as members assemble from all over the UK to "celebrate the historic Brexit victory". The brethren have also added June 23, Independence Day, to their calendar of annual ceremonies "now and forever". Spokesman Brain 'Snake Hips' Sykes tells us that the weekend in That Suffolk Place will be "full of the usual festivities" with "surprise guests"(see your Tyler for details) and visits from fraternal organisations from France and Germany (Les Furets Heureux and Die Lustigen Hofnarren) to "emphasis that the international nature of our working class brotherhood will not be harmed by Britain throwing off the yoke of Continental bureaucracy". So mote it be. (Scholarly note: the Pranksters, LFH, DLH and other organisations including Italy's I Pagliacci Felici are all aligned with the mighty Fifth Dang Avida Dollars International and not the discredited Diljem Svijeta Vukovi Wit whose UK branch is still run by Paul Devine, Round-dodger).
June 22. A quick but comprehensive update. Our blinding Ska compilation, All The Loon Stompers, is scheduled for a September release. The top-drawer 16-track album will be released by Randale Records, more details to follow. In other news, The Gonads are now offering promoters a choice of two shows, a Punk set and a Drunk set. To book either, email email@example.com. The Punk set will be played at December's 100 Club gig with the Cockney Rejects.
In addition, and this is genuinely exciting, we are now ready to launch our spin-off band GBX, the Garry Bushell Experience. GBX will be available in various different enticing packages. For additional details, serious promoters (only) should email Sarah c/o firstname.lastname@example.org.
PLUS! Lee Wilson is now in charge of sorting out the proposed Punks Against Homelessness gig. Our DVD and acoustic album will be released later this year and a brand new four-track e.p. Go Ska With The Gonads Again will be released in Spring 2017. Onwards and upwards!
June 20. Here are some shots from Friday's Big Seven Scooter Rally, in Paddock Wood, variously showing Big Barry making his "flag-girl" debut, local Nads fanatics Sandra and Tracey, and a selection of scooters. It was a funny old gig. Our dressing room was a tiny theatre round the back of a mini-sewerage plant (insert your own jokes here), which included a throne (they must have been expecting Waistrel), a Superman-themed stage and two actual swords. Sadly Wattsie didn't attempt to swallow one, but she did engage in her peculiar pre-gig ritual involving a gluten-free banger thought by some experts to resemble Fat Col's own unsavoury cocktail sausage. In the absence of grub on the rider, Gal was forced to consume an iffy steak & kidney pie which very nearly came back up during the second verse of 'Beer Can Boogie'. The only problem we had was with the sound. Monitor troubles delayed the set by 15minutes which meant we lost the closing part of the set, finishing instead with the opportunistic 'Scooter Boys'. 'C'mon Motherfucker' has yet to be played live. There were a few crowd requests for 'Lager Louts' and one for 'Hitler Was An 'Omo', but there are no plans at the moment to include either in future sets. There were also band requests for a return to the days when flag-girls looked like Vikki Thomas... Cheers to all involved at Big 7 (congrats on achieving national status) and to our away firm including Jamie Gonad of the school-kids wing, the clan McDermott and of course Miss Management and her whips.
June 18. Here's la belle Wattsie modelling her latest stage gear last night. (Don't worry, that's our dressing room, not the gig). Thanks to all involved, especially Tracey, Mark, Sue and Carol, Big Barry Ludlow for his sterling work as ahem, flag girl, and to all the tone deaf herberts who enjoyed the show. We'll be back in a few days with some updates. Probably. Cheers!
June 17. Here's the set list for tonight's Big 7 Scooter Rally. We'll probably be back with some pictures in a bit... 1) Lager Top 2) Jobs Not Jails 3) I Lost My Love To A UK Sub 4) Grant Mitchell 5) Oi Mate 6) Beano 7) Buy Me A Drink You Bastards 8) SE7 Dole Day 9) Rob A Bank 10) (What's The Story?) England's Glory**** acoustic numbers: 11) It's A Yeti 12) The Drinking Song 13) Infected 14) Getting Pissed 15) Alconaut 16) Badly Done 17) Beer Can Boogie****18) Tucker's Ruckers Ain't No Suckers 19) Scooter Boys 20) Hey You 21) C'Mon Motherfuckers. Encore: 22) Punk Rock Till I Die/Joys Of Oi 23) Valhallaballoo... See you at the bar.
Just out from Randale Records: the new Old Firm Casuals album, A Butchers Banquet, which Diana tells us "takes their sound to an epic realm with seven huge songs that further establish the band's place among the international streetpunk elite!" Yeah? We're international streetpunk oi polloi ourselves. Fuck elites. The music is pretty damn awesome though. It's harder and rockier than before, with lyrics attacking "white collar criminals" and "socialite elitists" (hmm, better not tell Waistrel).
June 10. A great rehearsal this week ahead of next Friday's Big Seven scooter rally. It's fair to say that the only time the Gonads were ever tighter than we are now is when Andy Scoops (the round dodger) was in the band. The new 75 minute set is action-packed with goodies, including a 25 minute acoustic section, which packs in old reggae faves like 'Getting Pissed' and 'Badly Done', and the first ever live airing for 'C'mon Motherfucker' BUT we've had to cut it down from 100 minutes! Anyone who wants the full Gonads live experience should get in touch with Waistrel pronto.
In other news, our superb Ska and reggae compilation All The Loon Stompers will be released by Randale Records in September, shortly after London Bawling, the acoustic album. We've put The Gonads By The Thames DVD back until August too but you can expect it to be on sale at Rebellion.
While we're here: the new 4-track RUST e.p. 'Skins & Punks' is available now from Randale, featuring 'Skins & Punks', 'Blood Knuckle Blues', 'The Grave' and 'Fire Storm'. Also just out: the new Booze & Glory single 'Carry On' b/w 'Blood From A Stone' on a funny old, 10inch shaped Picture Disc from Pirates Press; and Angel Dust's album Rock The Fuck On Forever is now available on CD.
In book news: finished physical copies of Gal's The Power & The Glory are here, chaps, with more tales of life and laugh on the road with everyone from The Jam and The Ruts to Blondie and Def Leppard. The Street Sounds Short Story Anthology, 20 Shades of Psycho has just been published too with contributions from the two Gals, Bushell and Johnson, John King, Pete 'Manic Esso' Haynes, Christine Staple, Rhoda Dakar, Colin Edmonds, Carrie Griffiths, Jonny Wah Wah and more...