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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.


 


THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!
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Aug 11. Oi Oi! Important news may be coming. Check back on Saturday…



Aug 10. A few people have asked why the Franken-Skin didn’t appear last Saturday. On the day, Miss Management issued a press statement explaining that the song was dropped because of time constraints. She certainly believed this to be true, but we can reveal that the real reason for the shock omission is that Fat Col, who was bringing the mask, didn’t get into the venue. Col was stopped by a security woman who asked what was in his bag. “Let me show you my monster,” he replied. Uh-oh. The #MeToo police roared into action and long story short Col has yet to return. He was last seen in handcuffs… and has not been sighted since. “A blessing,” says Wattsie, but then, as we all know, she is a cold-hearted beast.


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Aug 9. Although relatively trouble free, Rebellion did see a significant turn-out of a terrifying new aging youth cult known as the IBS firm. The vicious mob, also known as the Chelsea Bath Hunters, are led by a man who gained access to the festival by posing as a journalist. He is known only as “the Dom of Doms” and all of his geriatric followers have adopted his striking sartorial style – unflattering shorts, uncoordinated trainers, unpleasant socks, and pasty white legs. A terrified source whispers, “The IBF are growing in stature. Their aim is to take over Rebellion and turn it into Dom-Fest. They won’t rest until soul-sapping ‘interviews’ rule the roost.” Blimey.



Aug 8. And still they come! Here are more pretty pix from Saturday’s gig, including lovely old Charlie Harper in the audience for I Lost My Love To A UK Sub and Gal with Carrie Griffiths and Paula Frost. No doubt more to follow…
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Aug 7. Oh what a night! Okay, late afternoon. Yesterday’s Rebellion gig was a cracker and here’s the proof in pictures. The set list was: THE COMING. LAGER TOP. JOBS NOT JAILS. BLACKPOOL BOYS. SE7 DOLE DAY. ALCONAUT. BUY ME A DRINK YOU BASTARDS. I LOST MY LOVE TO A UK SUB. SKINHEAD GIRL. FEDERALES. BEANO. OI MATE. GRANT MITCHELL. PUNK ROCK WILL NEVER DI/JOYS OF OI/TUCKER’S RUCKERS AIN’T NO SUCKERS. More pix and more words when/if we get our breath back.


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Aug 6. Health scare over! We all made it! We’re onstage at 4.45 prompt in the Pavilion Theatre and we’ll be off-stage forty minutes later. Gal tells us he intends to “cram in more than Ron Jeremy.”



Aug 5. Fears grow that Gal might not make the Rebellion stage tomorrow. The singer has been suffering with numerous health problems all week, including a badly bruised back from a nasty fall, vision issues and “turbulent guts”. But rather than wait three hours for him, a furious Fit-Bird reveals that the rest of the band have “fucked off up there early, ain’t they?” leaving the ailing Gonad stranded and facing a four-train journey with heavy luggage. “It’s a bit fuckin’ much,” she fumes. “Where is the comradeship, where is the compassion? Bunch of selfish c…” Selfish what, we ask? Sadly the phone goes dead.



In better news, the new Interrupters album is out today.



Aug 4. Lord Waistrel’s plan, for the band to play Can You Talk All This? live for the first time at Rebellion on Saturday has hit the buffers as festival bosses insist the song can only be performed with the help of a Hollywood-style intimacy coordinator. Fat Col immediately volunteered for the job and was met by a look from Wattsie Watts that an eyewitness reports “could have iced-up Brighton in a heatwave”.



STOP PRESS. Former Samson singer Nicky Moore has died, aged 75. Our commiserations to his family and loved ones.



Aug 3. A new Gonads download ep will be rush-released by the end of this month ahead of our delayed studio album, which is due out on 9th September. The details of the tasty four track are a closely guarded secret but it is believed to feature both the Gonads and the SkaNads and to include Can You Take All This? – the moving tale of a gentleman trying to assist a soaking wet woman get a large package all the way inside. It’s all “intirely innocent ain’t it,” says Fit Bird, adding “Your minds are fuckin’ sewers.”



In other news, Gal is laid up with a bad back following a painful incident on Sunday night…Wattsie Watts “looking for a husband” at Rebellion rumour (she doesn’t mind whose, claims jealous Fat Col)… Keith Richards tells us he expects the Stones to record new music this year…



Aug 2. Hold on to your hats, it’s time for this month’s edition of Ask Gal Anything. Q1. What would you say are the most under-rated Gonads songs? – Mark Collins.



Gal: Definitely Indestructible Wolves from the Charlton Boys EP and Glorious from Built For Destruction, although Glorious needs a big Noddy Holder roar of a voice to really do it justice. I actually wrote it for Pete Morcey of Forced Reality to sing but that never happened.



Q2. What’s Revolution Now about and have you really written the next three studio albums after that? – Isabel Horner.



Gal. It’s about the 1970s when the working class had power, but also about the false prophets – the donkeys who let us down. I won’t say anymore, it’ll all make sense when you finally hear it. Yes, the next three studio albums are either written or part-written, but we’re taking the recording side slowly so the albums will come out at least a year apart from one other. We’ll probably push the new live album back until Summer 2023, because Revolution Now has been delayed.



Q3. What happened to the one-man show you were talking about doing? Paul Donovan.



Gal. It got derailed by Covid. I might still do it. I’m working 70-hour weeks at the moment so it’s difficult to do much else. Even the new Harry Tyler book has had to go on the backburner, which is really frustrating. We need an extra day in the week. Cheers all. Keep the questions coming!



Aug 1st. Yesterday’s rehearsal was a blinder. See pix on FB and Instagram. We will be onstage at Rebellion at 4.45pm precisely on Saturday and off at 5.25pm. See you there!





 

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