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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

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March 1st. Hello, culture lovers! Our new album Greater Hits Volume 3 – The Complete Cobblers will be released at the end of April. It’s our twelfth album, and there will be an invitation-only launch party at a London venue to celebrate. In further Actual News: The Gonads and Infa-Riot are uniting for a “Not Dead Yet” UK mini-tour. The first confirmed gig will be at the Teams Club in Gateshead on 10th October. Further shows will be announced in due course. According to band spokesman Fat Col (Waistrel’s lickspittle) the dates are part of “a civilising mission to Gonadise the North”. But a slightly saner Stief A’ Billy (our equivalent of Bez) stopped shaking his maracas long enough to comment: “The Gonads have said they will only play special events for the foreseeable future and what could be more special than a social club in Gateshead, a great seat of modern culture being the birth place of both Brian Johnson from AC/DC and Marcus Bentley, the narrator bloke from Big Brother?” What indeed.

 

It’s not all good new though. Brace yourselves, this is a real shocker. Because today we are sad to report the theft of Gal’s legendary “stage cock” from right under our noses at Gonads HQ. The recently discovered robbery is thought to have happened sometime in the last three months. Band enforcer Martin Sporrall has drawn up a list of suspects said to include “bitter rivals, jealous of our good looks, Lee Wilson, John King etc” and any Charlton Village women “looking especially happy.” Gal is reportedly “gutted” about the theft of the mighty cock prop which has been part of our stage act for the last six years and was once nearly impounded by green-eyed airport officials. The treacherous Wattsie however tell us that she was “relieved” to hear the news. So no-one tell her that Si Spanner is supplying a “self-lubricating, monster” replacement that “squirts up to a pint of lager top”. The lucky, lucky girl!

 

In other Nads news: Mark McMighty and Gal have demoed ‘Son Of FrankenSkin’ our four minute street-punk mini opera, along with brand new ditty ‘Security Breach’ (about the theft of the stage cock); both will be recorded early this summer for an August release... meanwhile the 35th Oi anniversary single will be financed by a pledge music campaign... and Gal’s latest Hungry & The Hunted podcast should be up any time now; we’ll add details and a link when we have them...

 

In other developments, Danish Oi! herberts Last Seen Laughing are heading back to the U.K. this summer. They will play The Flag, Watford, on 6th June, The Great Skinhead Reunion in Brighton on the 7th and are looking for a friendly gig for the 5th June. The lads return to the UK again in August when they become the first Danish band ever to play Rebellion... Shock news, the East End Badoes have gone from five members to three following the shock departure of bassist Dalb and rhythm guitarist Steve. Those close to the band indicate that singer Terence Hayes, PM, moved swiftly to eliminate dissent and impose his iron will, Waistrel-style, on the band. He is now expected to support the Rejects at the 100 Club in April with two tap-dancers and a bloke with a kazoo... Talking 100 Club, Friday night’s Sham 69 gig was “an absolute triumph” (our man at the show writes); “Sold out and rammed”. Support bands Knock Off and Dirty Royal were described as “also excellent”. More shit when we feel like it.

 

STOP PRESS. We are confirmed to play the Rebellion festival in August this year. We'll be performing TWO sets, one of them acoustic. Tickets available from here. We are also confirmed for this year's Street Punk Party in Brittany, France, with the Cockney Rejects, Argy Bargy, Infa-Riot, The Adicts, The East End Badoes and ten other bands over the first weekend of December... check back in March for more big news. And while we're here, issue ten of Street Sounds will be out on the 10th February, featuring the Dropkick Murphys, Alias Kid, The Boys, The Bar Stool Preachers, The Backhanders, Bez's bed-in, Garry Johnson, Rhoda Dakar and a massive report on punk & Oi in Argentina.

 

The Gonads WebsiteFeb 5. The great Gonads curry night/planning meeting ended in disarray last night with an entirely sober Gentleman John hot-wiring Wattsie's jam-jar and driving off into the wilds of Bexley. Mercifully he couldn't work out how to turn on the headlights and ended up bringing the car back a mere two hours later... The meet itself was wide-ranging and occasionally decisive. We agreed that 1) proper videos will be filmed for 'What's Happening Now' and 'Lager Top' 2) The new album will be released in the second half of April with a pukka invite-only launch party 3) We will perform our first ever Gonads Unplugged acoustic set later this year 4) We will record a new single/ep in April for a summer release, and it will probably be the killer Gal/McMighty composition 'Son Of FrankenSkin' 5) Work has begun on the first Gonads annual which will be published in Autumn 6) We will play charity gigs for Crisis. 7) We are now actively seeking new stage dancers 8) Gigs being seriously considered include Gateshead, Glasgow, Gravesend, Ghent, Gonesse and Grave... all other matters are being quietly worked on. In the meantime, quotes of the night: 1) Miss Management: "I've got a whip and I'm not afraid to use it." (Also quote of the night at our last curry feast). 2) Wattsie: "All of the people I love are dead... apart from Fat Col." 3) Wattsie: "Fat Col can do me" – although this is disputed; Wattsie maintains she said "Fat Col can do one", but we know what we heard... Finally, this blog is now closed until March, unless something major pops up... (see next item).

 

BIG thanks to Wattsie for driving Gal to his post-crash MRI scan yesterday, and also for climbing over him extremely slowly several times at the curry night. A German doctor writes: "Zis vas not trivial horseplay, zis vas actually a vital medical procedure to test zat all parts of Herr Gonad are in full working order, and he passed... "

 

Pledge Music cobblers continued: Penetration are currently offering you the chance to pay them a monkey (£500) in return for spending two hours in the studio with the band before joining them for a meal... that's punk rock in 2015, baby. Fat Col was heard muttering "I'd pay if it meant two hours of actual penetration with Pauline" but he is a sexist bastard of the worst kind.

 

Feb 3. Morning, geezers. Thought you'd like to know that the Boys release their latest album Punk Rock Menopause as a strictly limited edition picture disc on Friday (6th); just 300 LPs have been pressed. Meantime enjoy their new 'Punk Rock Girl' video here.

 

It's the big Gonads curry night tonight, incorporating an element of what Miss Management optimistically refers to as "forward planning". Some updates may follow, before we hibernate for the rest of this month, depending on the size of our hangovers.

 

The Gonads WebsiteFeb 2. Quick reminder, the Newtown Neurotics play the 100 Club on Friday, supporting Control who by their own admission are probably the biggest band in UK streetpunk right now, if not Europe... if not the entire fuckin' galaxy... meanwhile the mighty Cockney Rejects play the 02 Academy Islington on 28 November. Channel 4 not welcome.

 

The Bitch contacts us with this news report which seems to be some kind of belligerent dream: 'Amazing scenes as One Direction played the O2 last night. The headline band were delayed from starting their set for more than 40 minutes as the crowd screamed the name of the opening act, Control, over and over again. Singer Iain McModest told the NME: "It was incredible. These teenagers just endlessly chanted 'CONTROL! CONTROL!' Harry Styles was livid! But then he saw the number of tees we sold after the show and immediately asked us to do an exclusive 1D shirt for him. We've had ten million orders already. The work is hard but so rewarding! Next week we play the Leeds First Direct Arena with Pharrell Williams. We were supposed to be supporting but Pharrell has asked us to headline to avoid any embarrassment. PS Our Pharrell hat range is now available.." (continued forever)' Extraordinary. What can it mean?

 

Out now: a Johnny Ramone colour vinyl 12inch, 'The Final Sessions' (Cleopatra Records) featuring the last studio performances of punk ledge Johnny kicking up a storm with the Head Cats - Lemmy, Danny B. Harvey and Slim Jim Phantom... and Nottingham's "saints of excess" The Hip Priests are streaming new single 'I'm A Fucking Genius' as we speak

 

The Gonads WebsiteLook who popped into Nads HQ yesterday - Terry Chimes from the Clash and Sulo from The Crunch. But why? Who knows. Dry January is over and the pubs are open so get over it.

 

Feb 1. 2015 marks the 35th year of Oi music, and to celebrate The Gonads are proposing a special single. We would like to release an all-star version of 'Oi Oi Oi' this summer, featuring some of our best-loved musicians AND a choir consisting of any Oi fan anywhere in the world who wants to be part of it. Gal explains: "The song will be recorded in South London, but anyone who wants to will be able to add their voice to the chorus. All you have to do is record an audio clip and send it to a special email address which we will set up. That way, the record will represent every part of the world. All profits will go to a suitable charity. He goes on: "Oi started in the back streets of London but it has had an echo around the globe. As the Cockney Rejects sang 'The kids they come from everywhere, the East End is all around.' And it is. Oi is the voice of working class punk the whole world over, nothing more, nothing less. This special single will celebrate that."

 

 

 

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