great are only great because we are on our knees – let us
Please note the items you are about to read consist
largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its
informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully
Nov 30. A lot of people (Sid and Doris Gonad) are asking when
the ‘Charlton Boys’ ep will be available as a download, writes
Fat Col. Ask Randale! We could have had it out through Soitainly
two months ago at the same time as the physical ep came out, but
oh no, Randale insisted on doing it (or rather not doing it) themselves.
CAFC are enjoying a fantastic season, a lot of people want to
celebrate it, and the download still isn’t available. It’s a fecking
disgrace. Come on, chaps, Action This Day! Get it sorted! By the
way, I’m in talks with the Newbridge Club on Charlton Road about
setting up an invitation-only end of season knees-up gig there
(with Jack The Rippers!) Have it!
PS And while we’re on the subject of staggering inefficiency,
what has become of the East End Badoes’ ‘Poplar Boys’ ep? No-one
seems to know. It has been recorded, and it does sound the business,
but no release date is forthcoming from the tight-lipped PM. It
makes you wonder if he’s done a deal with Contra.
The Editor writes: In a shock move last night, Fat Col Gannon
and his hit-man Effete El sacked Wattsie Watts as Gonads manager
describing her as “a manager in name only”. Friends of Wattsie
condemned the move denouncing Col as “power mad”. They cite his
recent verbal attack on the poor old Beast as further proof of
his “out of control” megalomania. They also suggest that Gannon
is being “manipulated” behind the scenes by the aggressive Gooner
Martin Sporall, a man they describe as “Machiavellian” (but not
to his face). Meanwhile FB has gone off radar, and Waistrel is
enjoying his traditional Winter sojourn in Monte Carlo and is
not expected back until February. So Gannon really is running
the show and none of the band seem to mind because he’s actually
setting up gigs. This could all come to a head on Friday, when
all the rival power-brokers – Col, FB, Wattsie and The Beast -
are expected to descend on the 12-Bar Club for a dramatic confrontation.
Nov 28. Okay peeps, this is your boss skinhead, Fat Col Gannon
speaking. I’m still running the show here on the website and also
it appears on the tour management front!!! While FB is off effing
about on manoeuvres with the Girl Guides, and The Beast is lost
in showbiz, I’m in talks setting up a Gonads show not in London,
New York or Paris but in the heartland of modern oi-oi mayhem...
Sutton-in-Ashfield! Yeah, forget Seattle and Rebellion, Nottinghamshire
is where it’s at baby!!! Once I’ve finished negotiations I will
be able to announce a major gig at the prestige Diamond pub (Are
you sure? – Ed) with local heroes A Multitude Of Sins, who will
also be supporting us in Blackpool on Feb 26. AMOS are the band
discovered by our delightful webmistress, and likened to “a punk
rock Tiswas” by same. Yeah me and Bats are running the Gonads
now, and there ain’t nothing no-one can do about it.
And don't forget this Friday at the 12 Bar Club in Denmark Street.
I’ve also confirmed a March 23rd gig in Southend-on-Sea with
P45, and the Durham Punk All-Dayer on May 6th and I am discussing
rescheduling the postponed BLESMA benefit with Agincourt because
no-one else is. Some of us walk the walk as well as talking the
talk, know what I mean?
Random gossip: The Beast came looking for Gal this
week, driving a new red heap of shit jam-jar which he parked on
next door’s drive and proceeded to have a stand-up row with the
resident housewife (a gentle soul) who told him he had the wrong
house. Long story short, her old man is ex-SBS and righteous justice
will be delivered upon the Beast’s sorry arse within the week...
John Hellier’s Xmas Mod Ball is on Saturday with Geno Washington
and the Small Fakers at the 100 Club... NOFX played a special
show at the Occupy LA 'eviction' party yesterday in Downtown Los
Angeles. Fat Mike and co performed a new number specially written
for the protest called ‘Wouldn't It Be Nice If Every Movement
Had A Theme Song' (’kin hippies!)...
Agincourt’s superb Angel Of Mons album is now available on vinyl:
metal for muvvas with a bit of melody... many discerning punters
are complaining about the Damned who are said to be “ruining”
their classics by turning old songs into “rambling nine minute
long psychedelic bullshit wanks” (a technical term)... That’s
it some of us have gotta work. Laters, gators.
STOP PRESS: It’s ten years since Gal’s pulp fiction crime novel
The Face was published. To celebrate he’s offering The Face and
its successor Two-Faced together at the knock-down price of just
£10 (plus p&p). This offer will only last until Christmas, so
in quick while stocks last!
Nov 27 extra: RIP Ken Russell. The Quadrophenia director died
today, aged 84. And BIG LOVE to our pal Dave Lee, the cuddly Kent
comic who is sadly suffering serious health problems. We’ll see
you soon, buddy.
Nov 27. I feel we should act now to stamp out internet rumours
about our recent voyage on the high seas, on the good ship Black
Pearl. There is loose talk of twisted, tormented passions – of
sadism, masochism, profanity, and violence – plus a hint of necrophilia
– all played out against the misty, storm-lashed Bay Of Biscay.
But the Beast assures me sternly: “Talk of necrophilia is nonsense;
granted there was one death, but the lady was 103, and I can assure
you there was no sexual congress. It was bad enough when she was
alive.” (You sick bastards – Ed) What of the sadism and masochism,
we ask? “I know nothing about that,” The Beast replies. “That
day it was my turn in the barrel.” My word.
Nov 26. This is Fat Col, your boss DJ, speaking people. Please
note the 12 Bar show next Friday is our official Xmas knees-up,
and anyone coming in Santa kit gets a freebie CD. Oh, and any
“brahma” woman turning up in suspenders gets a free pint. (Not
you, Shazza!) The lads will be playing all the usual red-hot favourites
plus an extended version of ‘Oily Rag’. But next month’s Balls
Brothers bonk-busting gig will showcase songs from the forthcoming
‘Greater Hits Volume Two’ including the excellent new Ska arrangement
of ‘Getting Pissed’. As always our gigs go by Oi-Tone’s golden
rules: 1) It’s all about fun 2) No fucking politics. 3) Gal gets
first crack at the barmaid. Let’s keep the scene alive folks.
I thank yow.
Spotted yesterday in the Ship in Wardour Street: Gal, back from
his Essex jaunt with a home-made pejazzle, plus Bev Elliott, a
rather dapper looking Lee Wilson from Infa-Riot and two mystery
gents with major music biz connections. What was all that about?
We can’t be certain because I was too busy playing Angry Birds
(well, it makes a change from marrying them); but it’s odds-on
it’ll leak out within a couple of months and it will be GOOD news.
Meanwhile a big venue Gonads/Infa-Riot/Splodge gig looks likely
for March, and the Infas could well join the line-up for cracking
US festival Two Thousand Tons of TNT next September... TNT visionary
Max Morton is also discussing proper Nads US tour dates in 2012.
I love Bev Elliott. Last time we met I told her she had come
to bed eyes, but she spoiled the moment by reminding me she also
has fuck-right-off fists...
* Sandra Lane’s band of the week, great new Italian glamsters
Guida, Hear ’em here
Out now on vinyl from Revelation Records: Gorilla Biscuits’ ‘Start
Today’ album, one of the records that shaped the NYC hardcore
Whispers: Case are talking about reforming for a tour after the
great response to their 100 Club gig... the Go-Mads are talking
about releasing a split ep with the Orgasm Guerrillas called ‘Robert
Wagner Is Innocent OK!’ The two bands’ aggressive manager Martin
Sporall tells us that they are also set to play a gig together
with a strict age limit: “no-one over 25 allowed in, rock against
old c***s”, he says (This despite the fact that most of the Guerrillas
are in their forties)
A host of music memorabilia will be sold off in a huge on-line
sale, including the black leather boots Elvis wore for his 1968
Comeback Special TV special (starting bid £3880), and The King’s
custom made Nudie leather jacket (£1940), plus a Jimi Hendrix
guitar strap (£1940) and a selection of Madonna’s sequin halter
bras made for her Sex book (£325) and her motorbike jacket (£1294).
I’d like to throw The Beast’s paisley y-fronts into the pot (£2.20),
preferably while he’s still wearing ’em...
Nov 25. Hello sailors! We’re back –
well, partly; Gal is off in Essex somewhere winterizing his beard.
However, I (Fat Col) am running the show for a while and can tell
you: 1) The lads will definitely be in the studio next month recording
Greater Hits Volume Two; the track listing isn’t fully confirmed
yet but I can testify that Jason’s re-arrangement of ‘Lotto’
is pretty damn hotto – it sounds like The Beat meet Ray
Winstone. Also red-hot, the superb revamp of ‘Sandra Bigg’
and ‘Wrigleys’ which now attains a velocity which
Mel Brooks in Spaceballs would be forced to describe as “ludicrous
speed.” 2) Test pressings of the 30th anniversary Oi! album
now exist. They’ve been seen and touched and everything.
It’s soon come people...maybe even by Xmas... 2011. 3) That
Leeds gig, with Red Alert and Splodge, has been postponed due
to the promoter’s illness (believed to be paralysis of the
wallet – Cynical Ed). But fear not, as we’ve
got two cracking London shows in the dust-pipe: Friday 2nd December,
at the 12 Bar club, and Jan 28th at Balls Brothers, Lime Street;
followed by the frozen North in February (Bolton and Blackpool).
4) Gal’s ‘Dance Craze 2011’ book on 2-Tone should be in the shops
within a fortnight. 5) The Cockney Rejects documentary film, East
End Babylon, is on course for its London premiere at the end of
April; trailer here.
6) Cass’s documentary film on Casuals is out
for Xmas; here’s
a taster about Casual band Accent featuring Gal and Chelsea FC’s
Pat Nevin, among others.
People are naturally asking how our life on the ocean waves went.
Unfortunately many aspects are subject to stringent thirty-year
reporting restrictions. But what was funny was Gal deciding he
had to learn his hour-long talk and deliver it without notes in
front of a PowerPoint display. As he didn’t have any pictures
this meant ducking ashore at every port and using the McDonalds
wi-fi to download shots from facebook etc. On the plus side, it
meant Ozzy Osbourne, Freddie Starr, Lloyd Honeyghan, Vikki Thomas,
Motorhead and us were properly displayed! Things we’ll miss about
the ship: 1) the daily pool parties with the dancers 2) The nightly
three card poker challenge 3) the pukka Indian curries in the
crew canteen 4) the chalet maid shuffle 5) Our little gang – boozers,
smokers and gamblers united 6) The Tamla night 7) Showgirls that
were more show than girl ... What we won’t miss: Force Ten gales,
sea-sickness, rubber legs... The next Nads outing will be to Uruguay.
Well, you go Uruguay, I’ll go mine... every one a gem! Fat Col,
News at Ten sober! (And I ain’t even sneaked in a Nigel Farage
This is serious, Waistrel is looking for a young rock singer
with a passion for punk and dirty macho metal. If that’s you get
We hear that the Gonads tribute act the Go-Mads are starting
up again, under the management of Martin Sporall. They’re pretty
good but the singer’s whiskers are ridiculous; he hasn’t got an
actual beard, just a glued-on carpet sample. They did have a blinding
Clyde Ward lookalike ready to go at one stage (an Albanian toilet
cleaner) but then they realised he doesn’t play live any more.
Finding a Mick Maverick lookalike was easy – their one was bouncing
at a Croydon club – and they’ve got a Jim Trott double for South
Coast, but it’s taken them eighteen months to find a decent Nacho
Jase. They’ve also had to let their “Wattsie” go – and if you
think I’m writing the punch-line to that, you need your head tested.
Single of the month, from the Sydney Ducks ‘Esprit De Corps’
b/w ‘Joaquin Murrieta’ (Pirates Press). Also just out, the new
Maximumrocknroll (issue 343) with features on Poly Styrene, Porkeria,
Peace Or Annihilation and many more.
Here, while I’m in charge, I’ve re-arranged the running order
over on www.myspace.com/thegonads
with ‘Conquest’ as the first track – what a blinding song that
is! If that’s not on Greater Hits Vol 2 I’ll wanna know why. Oi
Oi chaps and chappesses, up the Addicks! Keep yer ’air cut.
RIP Jackie Leven, the maverick Scottish singer from Doll By
Doll died on November 14th, while we were at sea. Jackie who has
been described as “Britain’s greatest lost rock star” refused
to ride any trends and at the height of punk was writing psychedelic-tinged
songs full of mystery and melody, poetry and power. Leven formed
Doll By Doll in 1977 (Gal interviewed them in Sounds a year later);
their best album was 1979’s ‘Gypsy Blood’. They never set the
charts alight but their fans include author Ian Rankin and Dave
Gilmour who played on DBD’s last album, Grand Passion, and bizarrely,
Princess Diana who Jackie said persuaded him to return to music.
Jackie survived a vicious mugging in the 80s and continued to
write moving and distinctive music for the rest of his career.
No doubt Gal will include a tribute on his next pod-cast.
Nov 7. Ship ahoy! We’re sailing off on the Good
Ship Gonad today, frigging in the rigging and all that. This blog
may return towards the end of the month. Then again it may not.
Nov 6. The ‘Poplar Boys’ ep by the East End Badoes will come
with a sly dig at Gal, as Terence Hayes (PM) intones the words
“Years ago a well-known rock writer said that we would only ever
appeal to one square mile of East London.” But are the PM’s apparently
disloyal comments a) “typical of the back-stabbing bastard” (as
one close pal and current band mate observes) b) “a last desperate
attempt to get out of buying that Chinese” (another astute observer),
or c) accurate enough but completely illogical as the lazy-arse
Badoes barely mean a light these days even in Poplar. The Beast
points out: “They had one good song in 1981, and it’s taken them
30 years to write another one. They haven’t exactly become U2.”
Case were “absolutely blinding” at their Saturday night 100 Club
gig and “the best band we’ve seen for ages”, according to informed
spectators who add: “If they don’t come back properly and do a
full tour, they’re nuts.”
Sandra Lane’s band of the week, Lenny
& The Piss Poor Boys - enjoy!
Nov 6. We’re playing the Merrie England bar in Blackpool on February
26th and are looking for good local bands to support us: Ska,
punk, oi, oi-tone, rock, generally unhinged Pranksters – anything
as long as you’re up for the crack. Extreme variety acts, fire-eaters
and glamour models also welcome. If you’re interested drop old
Waistrel a line at email@example.com.
We’re also looking at setting up a proper, apolitical St George’s
Day charity show inside the M25 either for Monday 23rd itself
or April 28th, again, anyone keen on taking part should get in
||Nov 5. Oi Oi, morning campers. Waistrel
is in festive mood today and has bequeathed the world a Jingle Bells
Special on the shop page. What more could
you want in a stocking on Xmas morning? (Well for starters, Vikki
Thomas – Ed).
Prankster Alert: Dave the Spark is hosting a last minute ‘Bangers
& Mash-Up’ Bonfire Do tonight in a new NW Kent venue. (See your
JD for directions). The theme will be ‘Greek Debt’.
Dave promises a musical mix of punk, Oi, Ska, rock, indie, electro
and “the baddest beats around.” Fat Col is providing this year’s
Guy which apparently has three faces – Cameron, Clegg and Miliband
– “as they’re all inter-bleedin’-changeable” and an EU flag to
burn (little bit of politics there...)
Meanwhile Col’s favourite US hardcore band Head For The Mountains
have accidentally triggered a political scandal in the US. A Republican
Party official has had to quit after using an image from a HFTM
T-Shirt - depicting President Obama as a decaying zombie with
a bullet hole over his right eye – in a Halloween email. The CIA
are now on the case. Matt Monroe, who sang with the Tory-style
band, jokes: “I immediately called up the artist that made it
for us and told him to delete everything off of his computer and
move to a shack in the wilderness somewhere.” He goes on: “We
only made 25 of those shirts. It took two years to get a response!
Obviously the bullet hole is in reference to what you do with
zombies, NOT with presidents.” Col is now urging the band to reform,
if only to flog some t-shirts.
Big love to Wattsie Watts who is in agony pending root canal
surgery. Anyone who wishes to make jokes about filling her cavities
is advised to stay safely out of arm’s reach...
More on the Orgasm Guerrillas from the aggressive Gooner Martin
Sporall who tells us the band’s new material channels ska, afro
rhythms, futurism, free jazz, the Jimi Hendrix Experience and
"the spirit of George & Mildred...” ooh err.
Green Day just debuted a new song, called ‘Carpe Diem’, live
in San Fransisco...
Better late than never (arguably) here is Dom ‘What’s A Deadline?’
Badoe’s review of Sham’s Brixton come-back gig last Saturday:
‘The day started badly, with CFC’s epic defeat up against the
Arse, then immediately afterwards having to meet with Kev the
Hammer and his mates down the Kings Road - all hardcore Gooners.
They didn't need to say anything, as the broad grins across their
ugly mugs said much more than any smug comments could have. After
a trip down memory lane into various Kings Road boozers, we eventually
made it to Brixton, via Pimlico (no passport needed). Brixton
was also the setting for the first Sham 'comeback' in 1991 which
was also much anticipated, but fell short of the mark due to the
addition of keyboard & sax players, plus new material which sounded
like a vague attempt at hip-hop. Despite eventually dropping the
additional musicians, gigs tended to be erratic, depending on
Pursey's mood & condescending attitude towards the crowd (he may
not see it that way, but that’s certainly the way it came across).
The venue itself has recently re-opened as the Electric, having
previously going under the monikers of the Ace and Fridge. Last
time I can remember seeing a gig at this venue was the Vibrators/Meteors
on New Year's Eve 1983. And so it came to be that Sham 69 were
to set foot on the same stage as a number of bands that appeared
on Keith Allen fronted programme 'Whatever you Want', featuring
live clips of the Dead Kennedys, Damned, SLF & various other punk
legends. My most vivid memory from this time was said host joining
the stage-diving during the 'Kennedys set, the crowd clearing
instead of catching & us having to pass an unconscious Keith back
to the stage. You wouldn’t get that at a Lilly Allen concert!
At this point you’ll have to bear with me, as the drink began
to take its toll (not helped in part by Kev suggesting that Jaeger
bombs were order of the day). Supports came from youngsters Skets
and veterans Control, both of whom put in admirable sets. And
then the moment we had all been waiting for with nervous anticipation,
Sham finally hit the stage and gave us what had waited for all
It was a set full of classics, more obscure songs and something
a bit newer and you know what? They actually looked like they
were enjoying it. Opening with the aptly titled song of the street
What Have We Got, the band then launched into Hey Little Rich
Boy, Ulster Boy and Tell us the Truth. The crowd were going nuts
and the tempo went up a notch when the intro to Angels With Dirty
Faces kicked into gear. More followed – That’s Life, They Don’t
Understand, Questions and Answers. Next a breather with the slower
paced Mister You’re a Better Man Than Me, but slapped back into
the frantic pace quicker than the Euro going into its current
nosedive and a rousing sing-along to Hersham Boys and the Cockney
Kids are Innocent (no taxi driver references). The set rumbled
towards the climax with some further oldies (Give a Dog a Bone,
Money) and several newer numbers (Stockwell, Asbo Sports Day),
before one of my personal favourites Rip Off and finally Borstal
Breakout. To much applause, the band returned to the stage with
Western Culture, ending with If the Kids are United and Hurry
Up Harry. With ‘we’re going down the pub….’ still ringing in our
ears, that’s exactly what we did, in celebration of a great night
and a trip down memory lane.
Nov 3. Ex MC5 revolutionary John Sinclair and Gary ‘Guitar’ Lammin
perform together for Amnesty International in Hackney on Saturday
night. The gig, according to Comrade Lammin will be “a huge collaboration
of mime, dance, poetry and music in a beautiful space” (the New
Empowering Church in Westgate St; bring yer own love beads.) Yeah,
thanks for that, Gal. On the plus side, Case and Infa-Riot are
on at the 100 Club.
Continuing on a rebel theme, Henry
Rollins has come out firmly on the side of the Occupy Wall Street
while Gal has written a new anthem called ‘Revolution Now (Camping
Against Capitalism)’, with lyrics along the lines of ‘Revolution
now/We don’t care how/We don’t know what for/We hate your law’
which FB whispers is “in the spirit of the Strawbs”
This month in Punk Rock Book Club: The Krays, Their
Life Behind Bars by Robin McGibbon. Garry Johnson writes, ‘The
Kray Twins have had a huge influence on popular culture, including
films such as Performance and Villain. Alan Moore used a drawing
of the Krays in his Cockney Rejects artwork (not that the band
were pleased about that!) while the Oi! The Album back sleeve
featured Gal and Hoxton Tom re-enacting the famous Krays photo
pose, and Lord Waistrel, a good friend of Lord Boothby, even recorded
a protest song demanding their release called ‘Reg & Ron’.
You might feel that there is nothing more to add to the East End
villains’ story, and that this might be a tawdry exercise in scraping
barrels and cashing in but Rob McGibbon was a close confidante
of the Twins and their brother Charlie, whose book he also ghost
wrote and had unusually high access to the clan. He visited Reggie
in top-security prisons and Ron in Broadmoor. This book reveals
their letters and many personal details, some of them unsavoury
– it’s worth reading for the reason Reg needed stacks of phone
books alone. A genuine 'inside' story.’
Next month, a considered review of Billy Blake’s controversial
book ‘EDL Coming Down The Road’ by the drinking man’s Roger Scruton,
Fat Col Gannon. Also out now, Maximumrocknroll number 342, featuring
Brain Killer, IFB, Brown Sugar, Roach Motel etc plus a roundtable
of Japanese noise-core legends and the usual reviews and columns.
Will the original line-up of the East End Badoes
be playing an anniversary gig? Despite band denials, rumours are
rife... also threatening to come back, experimental skinhead band
the Orgasm Guerrillas who say they are planning to re-issue all
of their previous recordings on one “unlicensed” album with additional
tracks and demo tapes. The band, originally dubbed ‘Punk Floyd’
by idiots existed as a studio project in the 1980s and appeared
on a couple of Oi! albums. Spokesman Martin Sporall says: “Anyone
who thinks they own our fucking songs should be prepared to see
us in court, with the paperwork, or butt out of our business.”
Aggressive little bastard, ain’t he? Nightly bye.
Our dirty stop-out webmistress had to be prised off the milkman
(again) this morning, after we caught her carousing him up and
down the street to a boisterous medley of tunes by Nottingham
band A Multitude Of Sins. She was still on a high after last night's
gig in Mansfield, which she described as a punk version of Tiswas.
Nov 2. Some Gonads semi-confirmed news, we’re lining up Blackpool’s
legendary Merrie England bar for a mega gig on Sunday February
26. Watch this space for confirmation – if nothing else, it helps
fill up those empty insomniac early hours.
Back with Gal, the increasingly unreliable Fit Bird tells us
that the tracks likely to feature on his long, and eagerly, awaited
solo ep are ‘Miss Priscilla’s Gorilla’, ‘Rude Radio’, ‘Eat Me
Whole’ and ‘(Having A Bit) Tonight’.
BIG NEWS 1: we hear reliable whispers that The Burial are talking
about reforming – only talking at the moment, but what a welcome
come-back that would be. The partial Burial spin-off, Ska band
The Regal Kings have a few tunes up on YouTube. They’re currently
finishing off their album...
BIG NEWS 2: Mackie from Blitz is back with a new band called
Epic Problem; for a taster their song ‘Versus’ is up now on YouTube.