Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!
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Feb 3. O happy day! As promised, Gal yesterday raised author John King (aka JK Herbert) and singer Carrie Griffiths (aka Cazza) to permanent associate membership of the Gonads. We cannot reveal much about the elaborate theatre of the ritual and its deep spiritual tug, or how much they had to pay for this rare privilege, but we can say that the full ceremony began in Execution Dock, detoured to Wapping Old Stairs to commune with history, and then on to the Brown Bear pub in Leman Street for the Ceremony of Spoons, assisted by former Gonad and Cock Sparrer original Garrie J. Lammin. The elevations were then blessed at the holy sanctuary of St Duncan’s in the East before the select party moved on to the fabled Halal Restaurant for a traditional Ruby. We are looking into reports that both candidates faced a vigorous, Dilksy-style grilling from Gal before they were anointed with Guinness from the Spoon of Destiny. You may hear whispers about the night, its ritual, questions and demands, on social media, but you will only find the truth on this newly serious blog. Footnotes. 1) the humble Spoon of Destiny (pictured) was crafted by Old Barry from the East Sussex Pranksters in the mists of time, and is as sacred to the Gonads and Club 77 as the Turin Shroud or the Buddha’s Tooth of Kandy are to adherents of those religions. 2) Lammin, the Cockney Sparrow himself, is also the man who killed Pete Beale on EastEnders. 3) Associate Membership is not thought to guarantee membership of Gonads II, now known as Gonads Youth, but Carrie has been officially confirmed as the second full member of the GBX. The future is unwritten.
Feb 2. Our thoughts go out to Wattie Buchan who reported collapsed on stage on January 31st as The Exploited were playing in Darmstadt. The band released a statement saying, “As Wattie collapsed yesterday during the show in Wiesbaden, Germany we have to cancel the upcoming gigs in Tallinn & Riga. We try to find new dates ASAP… Wattie is in hospital right now for observation and checkups.” They suggest his collapse was due to flu and dehydration, rather than over-doing the nice. Get well mate.
